How You Can Support Your Child to Thrive at School
Fostering Belonging, Connection and Confidence Through the Teenage Years
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As children move into secondary school, their world gets bigger — new routines, new people, and growing independence. It’s an exciting time, but it can also be challenging. Behind the homework and uniforms, every teenager is trying to answer a powerful question:
"Do I fit in here? Do I belong?"
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We know that belonging — feeling accepted, valued, and connected — is one of the biggest predictors of student success. When young people feel that they belong at school, they’re more likely to:
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Attend regularly
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Engage with learning
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Build positive relationships
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Make good choices
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Ask for help when they need it​​
​​​As a parent or carer, you play a key role in shaping that sense of belonging — even if your teenager doesn’t always show it. Here’s how you can help.
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Talk in Ways That Keep the Conversation Going
Key message: Teenagers often feel misunderstood — but they still want to be heard.
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What to try:
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Use open-ended questions: “What was the best part of today?” or “Was there anything tricky about school today?”
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Reflect back what you hear: “It sounds like you felt left out in science — is that right?”
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Avoid jumping in with fixes. Sometimes they just want to be listened to.
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Why it works: Regular, low-pressure conversations show your child that their feelings matter. This builds trust and encourages them to open up when it really counts
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Notice the Positives and Name Them
Key message: Positive reinforcement builds confidence and strengthens connection.
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What to try:
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Catch them doing something right: “I noticed how you got up on time this week – that’s real maturity.”
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Praise effort, not just outcomes: “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that project, even if it was tough.”
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Acknowledge resilience: “It took courage to talk to your teacher about that.”
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Why it works: Teenagers are still forming their identity. Positive feedback from trusted adults reinforces their strengths and helps shape how they see themselves.
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Stay Curious, Not Critical
Key message: Teenagers need guidance — but delivered with empathy, not judgment.
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What to try:
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Replace “Why did you do that?!” with “Help me understand what was going on.”
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Instead of “You’re being lazy,” try “It seems like you’re finding it hard to get started — what’s up?”
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When mistakes happen, say: “This doesn’t change how much I care — let’s talk about how to move forward.”
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Why it works: Criticism can shut teenagers down. Curiosity keeps the door open and models emotional control — even in tough moments.
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Show School Matters to You, Too
Key message: When school feels important to you, it becomes more important to them.
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What to try:
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Attend school events, even virtual ones — show up when you can.
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Talk positively about teachers and school staff.
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Ask specific questions about school life: “How’s form time feeling at the moment?” or “What’s your class like in English this year?”
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Why it works: Your interest signals that school is a shared experience — not something they’re left to navigate alone.
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Connect
Connection at the Centre
Staying connected even in times of conflict teaches emotional resilience
Help Them Understand Themselves
Key message: Teenagers are still learning who they are — your guidance helps shape that journey.
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What to try:
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Talk about their strengths and values: “You’ve always been great at noticing when someone’s left out.”
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Help them name their feelings: “Sounds like you’re anxious about the test — that’s completely normal.”
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Support their independence: “I trust you to handle this, but I’m always here to talk it through.”
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Why it works: Understanding themselves is key to young people feeling confident, connected, and capable of making positive choices.
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Keep Connection at the Centre — Even in Conflict
Key message: Disagreements will happen — but they don’t have to damage your relationship.
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What to try:
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Use “I” statements rather than blame: “I worry when I don’t hear from you” vs. “You never text me back!”
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Repair after arguments: “I got frustrated earlier — but I care about you and want us to sort it out.”
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Be the calm in their storm — even when they’re pushing your buttons.
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Why it works: Conflict is normal in adolescence. Staying connected through it teaches emotional resilience and shows your child they’re still safe and loved.
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Model Belonging in Everyday Life
Key message: Your actions teach more than your words.
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What to try:
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Talk about your own connections: “I had a tough day at work, but chatting with my colleague helped.”
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Show kindness to others — especially in your local community.
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Let them see you being part of something — a group, a cause, a family tradition.
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Why it works: Teenagers learn how to “belong” by watching the adults around them. Show them what positive connection looks like.​​​​
Final Thought: You Matter More Than You Think
Even when your teenager seems distant or dismissive, your presence, patience and praise make a difference. You don’t have to be perfect — just consistent, caring, and open.
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When young people feel connected at home and at school, they are far more likely to make positive choices, grow in confidence, and find their place in the world.