Stay Curious, Not Critical: How to Keep Communication Open with Your Teen

A Marsden
Jun 27
2 min read

The teenage years can test even the most patient parent. One minute your child is happy and chatty — the next they’re distant, frustrated, or making choices that leave you asking, “What on earth were you thinking?” It’s natural to feel worried or annoyed when this happens. But how we respond in those moments makes a huge difference.

At Compass Education, we work with schools and families to help young people feel connected, supported, and able to make positive choices. One of the simplest but most powerful tools for parents is to stay curious — not critical.

Why Criticism Closes the Door

Teenagers still need boundaries, expectations, and consequences. But constant criticism — even when well-meaning — can shut young people down. When they feel judged, nagged, or “told off,” they are far more likely to:

✔ Lie or hide the truth

✔ Shut down or withdraw

✔ Get defensive or angry

✔ Feel disconnected from their family

✔ Avoid asking for help when they really need it

It doesn’t mean ignoring poor behaviour — it means approaching it with empathy, curiosity, and calm.

Curiosity Builds Connection

When we replace frustration with curiosity, it helps young people feel:

✔ Heard and understood

✔ More likely to open up

✔ Less defensive and reactive

✔ Confident to talk about mistakes

✔ Able to work with you to find solutions

It also models emotional control — showing your child how to stay calm, ask questions, and handle difficult conversations respectfully.

What Staying Curious Looks Like

Here are some practical swaps you can make during tricky conversations:

✖ “Why did you do that?!” → ✔ “Help me understand what was going on.”

✖ “You’re just being lazy.” → ✔ “It looks like you’re finding it hard to get started — what’s up?”

✖ “You’ve let me down.” → ✔ “This doesn’t change how much I care — let’s talk about what happens next.”

✖ “If you keep this up, you’ll never succeed.” → ✔ “It seems like something’s getting in the way of your progress — how can we tackle it together?”

It takes practice, especially in stressful moments. But staying curious keeps the door open, shows respect, and builds trust.

Teenagers Need Safe Spaces

The world can feel overwhelming for young people — school pressures, social media, friendships, and worries about the future. When home feels like a safe, non-judgmental space, they are more likely to talk, reflect, and ask for help.

Being curious doesn’t mean avoiding boundaries. You can still set clear expectations, address poor behaviour, and have firm rules — but deliver them with understanding and the belief that your child can do better with your support.

Where to Find More Support

Open, positive communication takes patience — but it’s worth it. You’ll strengthen your relationship and help your child grow into a confident, thoughtful young person.

For extra advice:

Stay curious, keep the conversation going, and you’ll help your child feel valued, supported, and ready to make positive choices.